Climbing Out of Darkness

I'm a little broody today. Today is the Climb Out of Darkness for PPD. I'm not sure where I'll do my climb, but I feel like it's an important thing for me to do. I've walked a hard road since Cooper was born. I'm in a good place but there were days that I felt I was clawing my way out and would tumble back down, bruised, battered, and feeling broken.

I realized today that I have taken a shower everyday for over a month. It might not seem like much but one of the biggest red flags to me was that I didn't care if I showered or not. I used to care A LOT about my daily shower. And now I'm back to caring.  My laundry is also caught up.  No small feat for a working momma who hates to put laundry away.  But the day I called to make an appointment with my doctor was the day I realized it had been 6 weeks since I'd done laundry because the intrusive thoughts from walking down into my basement had me paralyzed with anxiety and fear. 

I am not completely over PPD. I think I'll carry the scars for the rest of my life. I'll never be able to think on Cooper's birth and the first year of his life without a little bit of sadness that I waited too long to get help. I wish someone would have noticed or asked me about how I was coping. I wish my Midwife wouldn't have brushed me off when I brought up my concerns about PPD. I wish I could have stood up for myself instead of waiting almost a year later to ask for help. And I wish I hadn't looked so put together and fine. I did too good of a job faking it til I made it. And everyone seemed surprised that I was struggling so much.

And my commitment to my fellow mamas is to be brave in sharing my story. And to watch for the small clues that something might not be ok. And then ask about it.  If someone had noticed and said something, I can't help but wonder if I would have sought treatment and help sooner. 

If you want more information on The Climb Out of Darkness or want to know how you can help, you can go check out the scoop at PostpartumProgress.com.

Getting back on the wagon

They say third time is the charm, right? Well, I can certainly hope that is true for my blog. My goal for this blog is to keep a journal of life as a working mom. I don't really have much to say on this post, but I'm hoping that if I get in the habit of posting something everyday or every couple of days that before I know it, I'll be posting something meaningful more often.

It's been a while...

So I started this blog with the best intentions. But like many things that get started by a busy working mom, my excitement fizzled about as soon as it started. I'm back and going to try to do better. Today's post isn't really about working at all, but it is a little bit about being a mama.

I've recently been turned onto the idea of reusable cloth menstrual pads. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, I thought it too. But here's the deal. They are awesome. Comfortable, discreet, and they work...really well. One of my fave WAHMs is doing a giveaway on her blog. You just need to comment on her blog with your favorite fabric that she has and you get entered. If you've ever wanted to try it, this could be an easy way to take the plunge.

Here's the link to her blog: http://blossom-pads.com/blog/?p=121&cpage=1#comment-48

What a difference a year makes!

When I was packing my bags to go to work this morning I realized just how nice it was to only have 2 bags. When I first started back to work,Leah was 3 months old and I had to pack Leah's diaper bag for daycare, my lunch bag, my laptop bag, my purse, and my pump bag. When I picked everything up plus Leah's infant seat I looked like a pack horse. This morning I just had my laptop bag and my purse. I still look a bit like a pack animal once I pick up the bags and Leah, but at least I'm not out of breath by the time I make it to my car!


And because I can't resist....Leah at 2 weeks old and Leah at 12months and 2 weeks old.